paul coughlin

author | speaker | reformer

Marriage & Dating

Marriage & Dating Conference

Bored of the Ring: Cupid, Couples & Singles: How To Be Married AND Engaged
A one- day conference for couples where honesty, integrity, respect and intimacy replace common problems, such as pervasive passivity, which make us married but not engaged. Also ideal for singles, who some day will be married and who are one of the most disenfranchised groups in church today. Based upon the book, Married but not Engaged, one of the most popular marriage resources at Focus on the Family.

You did an outstanding job expounding on the unique challenges today’s Christians face. I’m confident our listeners will benefit from your insightful perspective on marriage. —Dr. James Dobson

To schedule a conference, email:

Married…But Not Engaged: Why Men Check Out and What You Can Do to Create the Intimacy You Desire
By Paul & Sandy Coughlin
Bethany House Publishers

Price: $15

Frustrated over your stalled marriage? Tired of enduring a less-than-satisfying relationship with your husband? Feeling anger or guilt about wanting more from your passive “nice guy”? Paul and Sandy Coughlin understand the life you’re leading, because once Paul was a Christian Nice Guy husband and Sandy was his frustrated wife. Their freeing message will help you understand the inner life of your emotionally detached husband as well as what you can do–and shouldn’t do–to create a more satisfying relationship. They’ll help you understand the forces that make men passive, how to handle issues of anger, respect, and resentment, and learn practical ways to nurture intimacy. Married…But Not Engaged informs, instructs, encourages, and inspires as it shows how you and your husband can draw closer together.

This book informs us with laser-beam accuracy why many nice guys detach from their marriage and what loving wives can do about it. They brilliantly expose an often overlooked default-drive of many relationships: how niceness leads to passivity which leads to humdrum which leads to resentment which leads to lack of intimacy and relationship crisis. Read this book and discover how to be engaged and married at the same time! –Dr. Paul Coleman, Author of The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Intimacy

The Coughlins have put together this empathetic guide to help women understand the inner lives of their emotionally absent men and facilitate change. While the authors use biblical texts to illustrate their message, it is based on sound psychology and therapeutic techniques. The writing is clear and not condescending; the information offered will help any married couple dealing with passive aggression and rigidity, regardless of religious affiliation. Recommended for all libraries. –Library Journal

Can’t We Just Be Friends? How ‘Nice Guys’—And The Women Who Date Them—Can FINALLY Win at Love (Fall 2011)
By Paul Coughlin
Thumos Society Press

Passive and fearful single “nice guys” sabotage their chances at real love, and what’s amazing is that they don’t know why. They think the best way to win a woman’s interest is to become her newest girlfriend, which ensures nice guys’ ongoing rejection. This flawed approach toward courtship also takes its toll upon the women who date nice guys. They think their many misspent attempts at love and intimacy are somehow their fault. This book brings sweet relief to both frustrated and injured genders and helps them avoid those dreaded five words that no one wants to hear or say: “Can’t we just be friends?”

Unlike most dating books that focus on superficial techniques (the best pick-up lines, the best place to stand in a single’s bar, what to wear and how to wear it), Can’t We Just Be Friends? plows deeper. It shows the roll fear and passivity play in the lives of single nice guys and how, as long as fear is in the driver’s seat of their lives, no technique is going to work. Their fear, not of women but of life in general, acts like plastic wrap around them, keeping them from really knowing others and really being known by others. It makes them worship at the altar of other people’s approval, a very unattractive personality trait. This fear-created barrier to intimacy must first be removed before nice guys can incorporate the better game plan found throughout this book.

  • Paul Coughlin! He’s amazing. I’m honored to be speaking with him today. Paul has a prophetic message for men. I’m a big fan. He talks about the martial spirit, about the thumos of men, about moving men from being nice to dangerous and good in the image of Jesus Christ. You have to hear this guy.

    Kenny Luck, Men's Pastor
    Saddleback Church, California
    Founder and President of Every Man's Ministries

    Audio Clip IconAudio Clip from Kenny Luck

Books by Paul

  • No More Christian Nice Girl
  • 5 Secrets Great Dads Know
  • Unleashing Courageous Faith
  • No More Christian Nice Guy
  • No More Jellyfish, Chickens or Wimps
  • Married But Not Engaged


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