Resources
Books
No More Christian Nice Guy: When Being Nice–Instead of Good–Hurts Men, Women and Children
Price: $15
Forward By Dr. Laura
By Paul Coughlin
Bethany House Publishers
In this ground-breaking book with a timeless message to men and also women, Paul Coughlin explains who being a “nice guy” is disastrous to everyone involved. Instead, Paul shows how the abundant life that God has for us is found through a more assertive orientation toward life, growing faith, saving marriage, bolstering careers, and in some cases even saving life itself.
Paul Coughlin is challenging our thinking on what it means to be God’s man in the 21st Century. The Apostle Paul pens in 1 Corinthians 16:13, “act like men.” That begs the question, What is a man? Coughlin is asking that question. This book is his excellent answer. –Rev. Emerson Eggerichs Ph.D. author of Love and Respect: the Love She Most Desires and the Respect he Desperately Needs.
John Eldredge gave men permission to be “wild at heart.” Paul Coughlin shows us how to do it. This book is a road map to a larger life. –David Murrow, author of Why Men Hate Going to Church
Paul has bold, powerful, and even shocking words for the church–especially regarding God’s celebration of sexual passion. If the church wants to get a handle on rampant divorce and infidelity, Paul has some words of wisdom we dare not ignore.
–Dave Meurer, author of Good Spousekeeping: A His and Hers Guide to Couplehood
No More Christian Nice Guy Study Guide
Price: $15
By Paul Coughlin
Bethany House Publishers
This companion to companion to No More Christian Nice Guy is ideal for both individual and group study. Each of the 12 lessons help bring this unique message of hope go deeper into each soul, transforming thousands along the way.
Unleashing Courageous Faith
Price: $15
By Paul Coughlin
Bethany House Publishers
In this refreshing and life-changing work, Paul explains the connection between courage and faith–and the common problems that diminish our capacity for courage–the virtue that underpins all other virtues. Here Paul explains that without courage we are incapable of possessing integrity, which means far more than personal piety or avoiding sin. Paul introduces readers to the Greek word and concept of thumos, one of three main components of our soul, which for many is the missing piece in their spiritual puzzle.
He writes: “Most of us will never fight a physical battle against an enemy; we will use our thumos-or not-for moral courage and to create a more muscular, manly form of love: that practical, unsentimental, no-strings-attached, kingly, prophetic, forceful love that lays down its life for another without fanfare-the kind that makes nations weep, faith grow, and God be glorified.”
I’ve been encouraging people to make bold moves. Paul shows you how to do it. This is a book of ‘true’ truth in a cynical world. -Stephen Arterburn
I read everything Paul Coughlin writes and I am never disappointed. This book caused me to pause and rethink my faith, my relationships, and my lifestyle. Paul has a way of communicating that makes you laugh, makes you think, and always has incredibly practical value.
-Jim Burns, PhD, President, HomeWord
No More Christian Nice Girl: When Just Being Nice—Instead of Good—Hurts You, Your Family, and Your Friends
Price: $15
By Paul Coughlin & Jennifer D. Degler, PhD
Bethany House Publishers
Be the strong, confident and still compassionate woman you were meant to be.Tired of doing all you can for others while your relationships remain stuck in neutral—or headed in reverse? Fed up with trying to please everyone but always coming up short? Paul Coughlin and psychologist Jennifer Degler show how being nice can harm you and drain the life out of your relationships. They explore the keys to fulfillment at home, at work, church, and even in the bedroom. You’ll discover that emulating the real Jesus is the key to transforming from a Christian Nice Girl into an authentic, powerful woman of loving faith.
“What’s wrong with being nice? Paul Coughlin and Jennifer Degler make a strong case that women need to be bold and assertive rather than people pleasers who try to do too much. I recommend this book to you.”
—Dr. Kevin Leman, author of The Birth Order Book and Have a New Kid by Friday
No More Jellyfish Chickens or Wimps
Price: $15
By Paul Coughlin
Bethany House Publishers
This ground-breaking book in the field of parenting explains how with the best of intentions an alarming number of parents are raising fragile, passive and even narcissistic children due to over-parenting. Christian parents aren’t immune, especially when it comes to raising non-assertive children–prime candidates for bullying throughout the school years. Here Coughlin explains how to raise assertive, confident and strong children–the kind who boldly due their part for doing God’s will.
Our job as parents is to raise responsible adults who have courage and character. Paul Coughlin’s wonderful book will equip you for this amazing journey of parenting. It’s a life-changing book. –Jim Burns, Ph.D., President, HomeWord, author of Confident Parenting
This is a powerful book that finally dispels the myth that defending oneself is ‘unchristian.’ As believers we are duty bound to teach our children that honor, justice, courage in the face of adversity, and defending the weak are not only the right things to own and do, they are a Christian’s obligation. Bravo! Paul Coughlin.
–Brad Stine, comedian, author, actor
5 Secrets Great Dads Know: Inspiration & Practical Help for Dads
Price $4
By Paul Coughlin
Bethany House Publishers
Courage. Assertiveness. Love for God. Protecting kids from bullying. These are just some of the traits of great dads found in this short but powerful book. In this accessible and quick read, Coughlin draws on his experience as a dad, soccer coach, and leading voice in men’s ministries to equip men to be the dads their kids need. Paul challenges men to unleash their God-given potential to raise strong sons and daughters. The perfect gift for Dad when a greeting card isn’t enough.
Married…But Not Engaged: Why Men Check Out and What You Can Do to Create the Intimacy You Desire
Price: $15 (Not Available in Stores)
By Paul & Sandy Coughlin
Bethany House Publishers
Frustrated over your stalled marriage? Tired of enduring a less-than-satisfying relationship with your husband? Feeling anger or guilt about wanting more from your passive “nice guy”? Paul and Sandy Coughlin understand the life you’re leading, because once Paul was a Christian Nice Guy husband and Sandy was his frustrated wife. Their freeing message will help you understand the inner life of your emotionally detached husband as well as what you can do–and shouldn’t do–to create a more satisfying relationship. They’ll help you understand the forces that make men passive, how to handle issues of anger, respect, and resentment, and learn practical ways to nurture intimacy. Married…But Not Engaged informs, instructs, encourages, and inspires as it shows how you and your husband can draw closer together.
This book informs us with laser-beam accuracy why many nice guys detach from their marriage and what loving wives can do about it. They brilliantly expose an often overlooked default-drive of many relationships: how niceness leads to passivity which leads to humdrum which leads to resentment which leads to lack of intimacy and relationship crisis. Read this book and discover how to be engaged and married at the same time!
–Dr. Paul Coleman, Author of The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Intimacy
The Coughlins have put together this empathetic guide to help women understand the inner lives of their emotionally absent men and facilitate change. While the authors use biblical texts to illustrate their message, it is based on sound psychology and therapeutic techniques. The writing is clear and not condescending; the information offered will help any married couple dealing with passive aggression and rigidity, regardless of religious affiliation. Recommended for all libraries.
–Library Journal
Can’t We Just Be Friends? How ‘Nice Guys’—And The Women Who Date Them—Can FINALLY Win at Love (Fall 2011)
By Paul Coughlin
Thumos Society Press
Passive and fearful single “nice guys” sabotage their chances at real love, and what’s amazing is that they don’t know why. They think the best way to win a woman’s interest is to become her newest girlfriend, which ensures nice guys’ ongoing rejection. This flawed approach toward courtship also takes its toll upon the women who date nice guys. They think their many misspent attempts at love and intimacy are somehow their fault. This book brings sweet relief to both frustrated and injured genders and helps them avoid those dreaded five words that no one wants to hear or say: “Can’t we just be friends?”
Unlike most dating books that focus on superficial techniques (the best pick-up lines, the best place to stand in a single’s bar, what to wear and how to wear it), Can’t We Just Be Friends? plows deeper. It shows the roll fear and passivity play in the lives of single nice guys and how, as long as fear is in the driver’s seat of their lives, no technique is going to work. Their fear, not of women but of life in general, acts like plastic wrap around them, keeping them from really knowing others and really being known by others. It makes them worship at the altar of other people’s approval, a very unattractive personality trait. This fear-created barrier to intimacy must first be removed before nice guys can incorporate the better game plan found throughout this book.
Anti-Bullying Curriculum
The Protector’s Faith-Based Curriculum Designed for Private Schools, Sunday Schools, Summer Camps, Youth Groups
The Protectors Faith-Based curriculum gives you 6 life-changing lessons that when combined will change your school, youth group, Sunday School and more forever. It debunks many of the life-stealing myths about bullying and gives your students the insight and inspiration they need to transform from passive bystanders to courageous “Alongside Standers.” Ideal for character development and the cultivation of courage, the virtue that bolsters all other virtues and the virtue that stops some people from leaving the faith altogether.
Group Price: $149 (Includes 1 Teacher’s Guide and 10 Student Guides)
Individual Instruction Price: $89 (Includes 1 Teacher’s Guide and 1 Student’s Guide)
The Protectors Values-Based Curriculum Designed for Public Schools Grades K-12
Conferences
For conference requests, email:
Bio: Paul Coughlin is a former newspaper editor and is the author of numerous books. He is the Founder of The Protectors, which provides values-based and faith-based solutions to the cruelty of adolescent bullying. As a popular speaker at men’s, women’s, parenting and anti-bullying conferences, he has appeared on Good Morning America, Nightline, 700 Club, Focus on the Family, C-SPAN, 700 Club, The LA Times, The New York Times, Newsweek and other media outlets. His anti-bullying curriculum is used throughout North America as well as England, Canada, Australia, Uganda and South Africa. He is a frequent radio guest in Cork, Ireland.
He is the Boys Varsity Soccer Coach at St. Mary’s, where he was voted Coach of the Year, and where he is also a member of the Board of Directors. He is a member of the Southern Oregon Leadership Team for SMART: Start Making A Reader Today. He and his wife Sandy have three teenagers and live in Southern Oregon.
Conferences Just For Men
Men Taking Hills: Unleashing Courageous Faith in a Timid World
This one-day to two-day event shows men the hidden power of the male soul, home of thumos–the source of animation, spiritedness, courage, boldness, righteousness and more. Provocative, humorous, and insightful, this conference is ideal for church men, the un-churched and de-churched. Based upon Paul’s latest book, Unleashing Courageous Faith.
Almighty God has wired us to live courageously – but who will show us the pathway? Paul Coughlin has done this in person for years at our men’s conferences and now he does it in Unleashing Courageous Faith. —Brian Doyle, National Director, Iron Sharpens Iron
Men Behaving ‘Badly’: Stop Being Nice & Start Being Good
A one-day to two-day event, ideal for men’s retreats and breakfasts, where men learn to discard fake niceness and embrace genuine goodness, and become more faithful, courageous, loving and protective. Based upon the best-selling book, No More Christian Nice Guy.
Wow, Paul Coughlin! He’s amazing. I’m honored to be speaking with him today. Paul has a prophetic message for men. I’m a big fan. He talks about the martial spirit, about the ‘thumos’ of men, about moving men from being nice to dangerous and good in the image of Jesus Christ. You have to hear this guy.
—Kenny Luck, Men’s Pastor Saddleback Church/Founder and President of Every Man Ministries
To schedule a conference, email:
Conference Just for Women
No More Christian Nice Girl
Based on the powerful book, No More Christian Nice Girl, this conference helps women become the strong, confident and still compassionate person they were meant to be. Ideal for burned-out women depleted from hamster-wheel religion, who always try to please people and always coming up short. Here Paul explains with insight and humor how being nice is harmful and drains life out of relationships.This conference illuminates the keys to fulfillment at home, work, and church. Women are shown how to emulate the real Jesus, and how this emulation transforms them from a Christian Nice Girl into an authentic, powerful woman of loving faith.
Insight and inspiration as to how to avoid the unintended and often unseen pitfalls of over-parenting is also given, helping women to raise secure, confident and compassion children who are far less likely to become the targets of bullies and more likely to embrace courageous faith.
Not since Boundaries has there been a more helpful resource for Christian women who struggle with “doormat syndrome.” In 10 poignant chapters, Coughlin, bestselling author of No More Christian Nice Guy, and psychologist Jennifer Degler use their valuable insights to help women conquer their fears of conflict, rejection and criticism. The authors deftly use Scripture to debunk the myth that Jesus was always “nice,” and that’s what he expects of His women. Instead, they argue that God requires courageous truth telling—even when it hurts. Using real life anecdotes, examples of strong women in the Bible and discussion questions, the book effectively guides women on the journey from Christian Nice Girl to God’s Good Woman. Especially powerful are Chapters: “Marriage: How Nice Messes Up Matrimony” and “Work: How Nice Cripples Your Career.”
–Youthworker Journal
To schedule a conference, email:
Marriage & Dating
Bored of the Ring: Cupid, Couples & Singles: How To Be Married AND Engaged
A one- day conference for couples where honesty, integrity, respect and intimacy replace common problems, such as pervasive passivity, which make us married but not engaged. Also ideal for singles, who some day will be married and who are one of the most disenfranchised groups in church today. Based upon the book, Married but not Engaged, one of the most popular marriage resources at Focus on the Family.
You did an outstanding job expounding on the unique challenges today’s Christians face. I’m confident our listeners will benefit from your insightful perspective on marriage.
—Dr. James Dobson
To schedule a conference, email:
Parenting
Parent Trap: Raising Secure & Courageous Kids in a Tough World
Too many Christian parents are raising spiritual veal: children who are weak and compliant instead of bold, truthful and assertive, the true character of Jesus. Learn about the common and well-intentioned traps that create timid children–the number one target of bullies–and solutions to creating children with integrity instead. Be sure to read Paul’s book, No More Jellyfish, Chicken’s or Wimps.
Paul has a way of communicating that makes you laugh, makes you think, and always has incredibly practical value.
—Dr. Jim Burns, President, HomeWord
To schedule, email:
Teens (Ideal for Youth Groups, Camps Retreats and more)
Take Courage: The Forgotten Virtue For Your Heroic Journey Ahead
This conference, ideal for camps and retreats, is unlike any other powerful conference teens have attended. Taken from Paul’s vast experience as a youth coach fornearly 20 years, his ground-breaking research on the nature of courage, and his experience as a father of three teenagers, he shares how courage is the virtue that underpins all other virtues. He explains how essential courage is to spiritual growth, a life lived without regret, and how without courage we are incapable of deep and abiding love–agape–the greatest form of love.
Here Paul appeals to what he calls the “heroic instinct” that exists within us all–but more so in teens than adults. He shows them how to honor, grow and maintain this instinct and to fight against conformity to this world, and to defend human dignity by dispelling the many myths about bullying–a growing epidemic across the country.
To schedule, email:
Anti-Bullying
Courageous U Tour Anti-Bullying Presentation:Life’s a Movie–What’s Your Role? (Faith-Based)
Studies show that private religious schools have about the same amount of bullying as public schools. During this school-changing live presentation, Paul Coughlin helps all the characters in the “Theater of Bullying” to understand and change their role: Bully, Bystander, Target, and Authority. With humor as well as soul-stirring power, conviction and inspiration, Paul Coughlin gives students, teachers, and parents what they need to know to combat bullying and spread God’s love, mercy and justice, helping to make your school safer, spur creativity and test scores, and grow courage, faith and love.
The Courageous U Tour:
- Helps bystanders find the courage they need to become a Protector, and in the process grow their faith in action.
- Helps targets understand the real reason why they are singled out, and how to avoid being a target in the future.
- Helps bullies see what they are really doing, and what they need to do to change right now.
- Helps authority understand the dangerous myths about bullying and what they must do to bring peace, justice and harmony to their class and school.
Help your teachers, administrators and students to become Protectors—heroes who defend human dignity, which is a gift from God. It’s time for people of faith to stand up through courage, strength and love (I Cor. 16:14), and help “Justice to roll on like a river and righteousness like a never-failing stream” (Amos 5:24).
Paul Coughlin’s anti-bullying presentation was compelling, relevant and accessible to every student. His natural speaking ability created an openness that the students immediately responded to. His ability to reach our students on such a complicated topic was inspiring and all of the parents who observed the presentation and said it was one of the best assemblies they had seen. Mr. Coughlin has a natural gift and, more importantly, a message that needs to be heard. Having Mr. Coughlin at our school was one of the best investments of PTO funds ever. Hopefully, we will be able to have a return engagement each school year.
—Katie Tso, President, Hoover Elementary PTO
Paul is an amazing communicator. He takes a compelling look at bullying, while at the same time from a humorous perspective. Don’t get me wrong, he is dead serious about bullying! I’m just telling you a fact; he is funny while he is communicating. I highly recommend him for your church, club or public or private school. I will certainly welcome him back to our pulpit!
—Pastor Rick Hilsden, The Park Church, Canada
Download Faith-Based Courageous U Tour Flyer
To schedule,email:
Courageous U Tour Anti-Bullying: Life’s a Movie–What’s Your Role? (Values-Based, Public School Presentation)
A 10-year government study revealed that the most effective way to diminish bullying in school is to create a school culture that makes it popular to stand against bullying. This is exactly what The Protectors does, especially through creating what we call a “Culture of the Courageous.” Paul Coughlin shows your school how. As award-winning high school soccer coach with more than 15 years of experience, Paul helps all four characters in the “Theater of Bullying” to understand and change their role: Bully, Bystander, Target, and Authority. Of all the characters, bystanders have the greatest potential to make positive, life-affirming change.
With humor, conviction and inspiration, best-selling author and speaker Paul Coughlin gives students, teachers, and parents what they need to know to combat bullying and spread compassion, justice and acceptance.
The Courageous U Tour:
- Helps bystanders—the most powerful character in the theater of bullying—find the courage they need to use their voice to say “No” to bullying
- Helps targets understand the real reason why they are singled out, and how to avoid being a target in the future
- Helps bullies see what they are really doing, and what they need to do to change today
- Helps authority understand the prevalent but dangerous myths about bullying and what they must do to make their school the best it can be
When we heard of how effective Paul’s anti-bullying presentation is, we called him immediately. He started his presentation with a bang. He is very dynamic and engaged all of our students. I was impressed to see more than 350 high school students remain so attentive and captured by his presentation. Paul addressed a variety of bullying and harassment issues. He did a great job relating these issues to students and helping them understand how impacting they can be. Not only was I impressed with his presentation style, he also taught our students how to help one another and gave them strategies to use when being bullied and harassed. If you are looking for an effective way to address bullying and harassment at your school, I would strongly recommend Paul. Don’t hesitate to call or email for a recommendation.
— JESSE PERSHIN, Principal, Rogue River High School
Paul Coughlin’s anti-bullying presentation is preventative medicine against school shooting, one of the most devastating crimes that a school and community can experience. His school assembly presentations were excellent and served as a springboard for our school to develop a common lesson plan on bullying prevention. Mr. Coughlin’s use of personal anecdotes and factual information about the myths of bullying was well-received. He connected well with various age groups, and he responded well to the many questions that students asked. I recommend him highly.
— DR. PHIL MEAGER, National Distinguished Principal, Hoover Elementary School
After your anti-bullying presentation, our class discussed times when we might have been bullies and when we’ve been bullied. During this “think time,” one of my students apologized for writing a mean note to someone in the class just last week. She said that your bullying assembly made her realize what a horrible feeling that must have been to have received the note. The two girls went home all smiles today.
-Fourth Grade Teacher
Download Values-Based Courageous U Tour Flyer
Take The Bullying By the Horns: How to Reduce Bullying & Increase Profits in the Workplace
Paul brings his extensive knowledge about the real reasons why people bully and its devastating effect on others into the workplace, helping businesses save time, treasure and talent. He shows bullies how to communicate effectively–without expressing disdain and contempt for others, preserving the dignity and emotional vitality and mental creativity of coworkers. He also shows targets what they must do to defend themselves in order to maintain their own health (some studies show that prolonged bullying has the same effect as Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome for returning soldiers) and to remain productive in the workplace.
Grandkids, Bullying & You Some of the most heart-wrenching letters received at The Protectors come from concerned grandparents who see their grandchildren bullied but have little power or ability to help. Here Paul Coughlin gives grandparents the insights and inspiration they need to help their grandchildren and other children through the cruelty of bullying and into a better life. Grandparents learn what they can do to help grandchildren escape the “theater of bullying,” helping them utilize their time-honored wisdom and love.
The Writer’s Life: There Will Be Blood, Sweat & Tears–Of Joy
As the author of eight books and with more than 20 years of writing and editing experience behind him, Paul Coughlin is eager to share his hard-won knowledge of the writer’s life with others. One of his greatest passions is to share with others what the writer’s life really means and what it really takes to make it. Topics include:
- Themes: Your Burden & Your Glory
- Be Yourself–But Amplified
- Who Do You Love?
- Grief and Other Wood for the Writing Mill
- What the C.S. Lewis Foundation Told Us
- The Only Topic Off Limits–All Else is Game
- Fill In The Holes
- The Inconvenient Truths About Marketing, Media & Speaking
Individual Instruction
Paul Coughlin provides individual instruction for the Nice Guy problem over the phone for those in the United States and Canada. To inquire about an opening, email him at: and put “Individual Instruction” in the Subject Field.
Audio Clip from Kenny Luck